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A view from the inside…

I have lost about 13 lbs since I went to the doctor last month.

I was quickly heading back to my heaviest weight of 250 and I swore I would never get back there again. But with work stress, Kevin unemployed and the Mom guilt stress that comes with raising a 2 and half year old boy, I was creeping up there again fast.

My energy level sucked … no other way to put that. I was tired, cranky and just generally felt like shit. My annual physical was past due by a couple of months and I didn’t want to go. I knew I was at least 25 lbs heavier than the last time I saw my doc (last year). And to make matters worse, the last time I was there, over a year ago, he actually gave me a high-5 for my weight loss (35 lbs gone since March, 2007).

My physical didn’t reveal anything dramatic… and actually my cholesterol had gone down below 200. But I knew since Kev lost his job we hadn’t been eating out as much and we don’t fry anything at home, so I wasn’t surprised. Even tho’ I don’t think I ate that bad, my weight was going up, my energy was going down and my emotional state was all over the place. Kev’s cholesterol on the other hand, had gone thru’ the roof. It was time to do something.

Like everyone else, I wanted a quick fix. But like everyone else knows… there isn’t one.

I don’t normally watch “The Biggest Loser”, I bowl on Tuesdays, but I usually am home in time to catch the last 15 minutes or so where they show who was kicked off the ranch and how they look today. However, about this time I saw the whole episode of The Biggest Loser where a constant who was eliminated in the first couple of weeks came back 12 weeks later with an amazing 87 lb. weight loss…87 pounds!! At home. On her own. No magical ranch, no magical trainer… just her and 87 pounds after only a couple of weeks, if that, at the ranch.

Shit, if she can do that … so can I. So I did a little bit of research on the Internet and then went to the bookstore, March 28 and purchased The Biggest Loser, 30 Day Jump Start. Then I went back and bought Bob Harper’s “Are You Ready” and I also picked up the Biggest Loser Family Cookbook. Good thing I still have money on my Border’s card. Lol

Up to this point, lots and lots of things have been going through my mind; mostly frustration at myself. I know how this is supposed to work: eat right and exercise. But my self-talk had a million excuses: I must have a metabolism problem, my hormones are wonky, I don’t really eat that bad (after polishing off a sleeve of Girl Scout Peanut Butter Sandwich cookies), I have stress, I’m tired… and on and on and on. I was craving ice cream and cookies. I really felt like my body had completely turned on me.

When in fact I fear, it was the other way around; I had turned on my body.

And then there is the mental image… I’ve always been a bit startled when I see pictures of myself. In my mind, I am a lot thinner. The person I see in the photo looking back at me can’t possibly be me… but it always is. I hate my chins the most… all of them. lol

However, there’s been a change, now I am eating more whole unprocessed foods. I’m staying away from white foods, like white potatoes, white toast, bread in general and I am eating whole fruits and veggies. I’m measuring my food and have been writing down and tracking everything I eat. I’ve never been a pop drinker, so that wasn’t an issue. I still have a cup of coffee in the morning, but I also make sure I have some nutrition. And right now, during the week an EAS Myoplex shake works for me… the strawberry is yummy.

My favorite treat is sugar free – fat free jello pudding, made with low-fat milk. I’m eating whole grains instead of processed, but I also have room. Room for a slice of pizza, if I want it, I just make it thin crust now. My favorite sweet tooth item right now is a whole grapefruit, cut in half, with splenda. I am eating every 3 to 4 hours, so I never get to the point where I am starving. And it doesn’t take much food to satisfy my hunger.

I actually road my bike this weekend.

My goal is 10 lbs a month. I think it’s doable and at that rate I will be 175, by my birthday in October.

You are probably asking… “Ok Sheryl, so why are you putting all this crap on your blog? “ Well, it’s simple. A blog named Crap-o-rama is a perfect place for crap like this and simply put, I’m gonna do it this time and now I have to be accountable. Not just to my family, but to my bloggy friends. If and when I start to falter, I want to be able to look back here and see how I was so motivated.

If someone else sees this journey and is motivated, then that’s cool too. Am I trying to be the next weight-loss guru? oh hell no. I’m just trying to be my own guru. I owe it to my family. I owe it to my son. I owe it to myself.