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In adherence to our company manifesto, "Profits Over People" as well as employee performance dropping so low for the month of July, the Crap-O-Rama Corporation has been forced to take a new approach to our Employee of the Month Program. Since there were no stellar performers, at all... WHATSOEVER company wide, we've decided to publicly shame our worst performers. Moving forward, with July's Worst Employee of the Month, everyone please join us in congratulating Miss Mundelein Sizznatch as July's winner! Some of her recent achievements include making 5 trips to the bathroom in one day (2 more than prescribed number in the company handbook)... Taking 3 sick days in the same quarter, and making eye contact with her supervisor while eating a banana in the break room as an attempt to leave early from work on 7/21/2021. In recognition for these amazing achievements, Miss Sizznatch will be forfeiting 3 days of PTO and a reduction of 5% in 401k matching. CONGRATULATIONS MISS SIZZNATCH!! YOU'RE A REAL CLASS ACT!

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On behalf of Chief Executive Officer, Wigbert Thaddington Esq. III, company spokesman and public relations officer, Archibald Shamus Diddlecorn has issued a formal public apology regarding the company

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